Friday evening I am to present, or orchestrate rather, an evening of family worship time that is instructive and inspirational and though I've had more than two months to prepare, I'm two days away from said event and still have little clue of what will occur. Now I want to be hopeful and say the Holy Spirit will lead us and everything will be awesome but let's be realistic on my role of being prepared. I've felt very lost when it comes to the planning stages and though I've attempted to make an outline dozens of times I'm no closer to figuring it out, YIKES!
Let's take this back just a bit, just in case there are some new readers out there. My husband and I love Jesus with all of our beings. We strive to honor him in every aspect of our life (though we readily admit there are many aspects in which we struggle and do not yet honor Our Father). Almost 3 years ago we sat in our mansion, slaves to our bills with two tiny wild boys and the most perfect baby girl in the world and said, "...this doesn't feel right." Sure we were living the American dream and we've impacted people's lives, but we felt like our life was for SO much more. So we prayed and read and with great counsel we decided to be radical. We sold our dream home and moved into a diverse, working class neighborhood where we live as missionaries to our community. We've created several outreach ministries and facilitate several weekly gatherings in which people are encouraged, allowed and pushed to see Jesus in a whole new way. So far it is going very well (most days!) but I still feel like I'm not doing it right.
See, my heart is for children. My children specifically, but all children I come into contact with as well. I have always loved children. As a teenager I loved teaching swim lessons, working as an after school counselor, a lifeguard and coaching. Whatever it was that allowed me to share my passions of activities with children was where I belonged. Of course I planned to be a teacher but when it came down to it, I wanted my own children to hold and mold. So we started our family instead of me pursuing a teaching career... how funny that I am now pursuing that teaching position in our home!
All this background to talk for a minute about what happens when I share my heart with others. Often we talk about our family's desire and willingness to obey God in all aspects of life. This doesn't just include parenting but especially parenting and I usually get responses of interest. Occasionally responses of excitement and always nods that agree our role as parents is confusing and therefore a very grey area of life that no one gets right. But I look around and see young adults (and some older ones too) and I think to myself... "no, some parents get it right."
I inquire the parents about how they parented, I inquire the grown children about what they thought and perceived of their parents' parenting that makes them so different from the world. Of course we know the answer is Jesus, but it's not just Jesus. There is something different that makes these individuals stand out. I think to myself, I want my child (and those God has allowed me to reach) to have those qualities and not just a few of them but all of them! I desire for the fullness of Christ to be in their lives very much real and even tangible, for them to be open, artistic, expressive, confident, adventurous, skillful, intelligent, curious, courageous, honest and in short, GREAT!!
But I fear when we muddle the black and white that exists (and I believe greatly in black and white) and take comfort in the greyness of it all we forfeit those dreams. I look at it all and think man, this is what I want to figure out. And sometimes other people are really excited and say, "Yeah!!! That's a great idea, let me know what you come up with!" Then I'm left feeling alone and unsure.
Yes this is important, yes this is my passion, but no I don't have a clue about what to do. I'm hardly an expert!
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Monday, October 29, 2012
growing into adulthood
Something you tend to figure out when you become a parent is that you had NO idea what you were talking about when you spoke to a parent whose children were going through a phase, giving them your advice or opinion. Parenting is a full time commitment. On top of your duties to provide for these small humans, you now are responsible for helping shape them into a productive, helpful, self-sufficient, God-loving adult. True we have years to do this so it's not necessarily as overwhelming as it seems. But really, this is a huge deal!
As a child of God, that has been given the gift of children, I am responsible to teach these children how to learn, how to grow and how to mature in ways that God wants us to. This is a big task and sometimes makes me cry when I know I'm failing in a particular area or moment. These are the times I read Proverbs. The parents handbook!
I learn SO much and gain a clarity that simplifies my role or lessens my importance when I read Proverbs. After all, I have given my children back to God. He is responsible for growing them into wonderful, Godly, mature adults. My biggest job is to help them find their way without getting too much in the way and teaching them what I know, encouraging them to learn more as they go.
Over the years I've seen myself in many different lights and discovered huge holes in my own maturity or adultness that I had no clue was there. I look at myself and think, "Wow! How did I not learn that before I was 30??" Sometimes it's disturbing and other times it's embarrassing and still other times it's so, ... well, I don't have words to describe it. I wonder what I'll be learning when I'm 50 or 80??
Then I wonder, "Who is responsible for teaching me if I didn't learn it while growing up? Where will my children learn to be adults if I, for some reason or other, fail to help them mature properly? Are they going to be 30 year old teenagers? Are they going to be drains on society? And more importantly, are they going to be surrounded by love and accountability to encourage the growth and maturity versus the enablement of childhood??"
All these things I try not to worry about, even when they cross my mind =D
As a child of God, that has been given the gift of children, I am responsible to teach these children how to learn, how to grow and how to mature in ways that God wants us to. This is a big task and sometimes makes me cry when I know I'm failing in a particular area or moment. These are the times I read Proverbs. The parents handbook!
I learn SO much and gain a clarity that simplifies my role or lessens my importance when I read Proverbs. After all, I have given my children back to God. He is responsible for growing them into wonderful, Godly, mature adults. My biggest job is to help them find their way without getting too much in the way and teaching them what I know, encouraging them to learn more as they go.
Over the years I've seen myself in many different lights and discovered huge holes in my own maturity or adultness that I had no clue was there. I look at myself and think, "Wow! How did I not learn that before I was 30??" Sometimes it's disturbing and other times it's embarrassing and still other times it's so, ... well, I don't have words to describe it. I wonder what I'll be learning when I'm 50 or 80??
Then I wonder, "Who is responsible for teaching me if I didn't learn it while growing up? Where will my children learn to be adults if I, for some reason or other, fail to help them mature properly? Are they going to be 30 year old teenagers? Are they going to be drains on society? And more importantly, are they going to be surrounded by love and accountability to encourage the growth and maturity versus the enablement of childhood??"
All these things I try not to worry about, even when they cross my mind =D
Thursday, August 16, 2012
And Lead Us Not Into Temptation
I was praying with my three year old daughter last night (we recite the Lord's Prayer with the kids), and I came to the following line of the prayer:
This line contained new meaning for me. In the past, I always recited this passively. To me, it meant
Last night, I felt active when I prayed this line. The meaning changed for me. I thought,
I started asking God to move instead of asking him to stay back.
My focus changed last night in my prayer life. The Lord's Prayer came alive for me in a new way.
And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.
This line contained new meaning for me. In the past, I always recited this passively. To me, it meant
"hey God, I'm just going about my life here, trying to follow you. Please don't throw any curveballs my way and please keep Satan from messing things up."
Last night, I felt active when I prayed this line. The meaning changed for me. I thought,
"God, there is temptation all around me. Please guide me and give me wisdom so that I am able to dodge and deal with those temptations."
I started asking God to move instead of asking him to stay back.
My focus changed last night in my prayer life. The Lord's Prayer came alive for me in a new way.
Saturday, March 17, 2012
Forgiveness and What I know About It
I do not intend this post to sound arrogant, so forgive me if you read it and it comes across that way. My intentions are merely to share my experience with forgiveness.
We all (at least that is the hope) know that God sent His son Jesus to die for us so that our sins will be forgiven. Generally speaking, amongst those who have faith in Christ, we accept this truth and live with it as a safety net. We don't always use it, feel like we need it, want it or understand the details of it. BUT! It is always there.
However, when we fall, and realize how important that safety net is, we learn to appreciate the net, taking in not only it's usefulness, but it's beauty and intricate detail as well. We are assured it works beyond our wildest imagination and then we are comforted and empowered to try again, maybe taking an even bigger risk.
I've had a few rough patches in my life, and a few not so rough patches, that left me hurt and broken. In many cases I was even unaware of the brokenness or hurt until I was confronted with a trigger that made me relive that particular event (not literally, I'm speaking about emotions and memories). It seems since I've known Christ as an adult and spent time intently seeking Him I discover wounds from my past all the time. When this first began happening I was confused as to my role in this journey. What was I to do about these feelings? How was I to heal? To move on? To rebuild? I thought following Christ meant that I was not defined by those events.
Well, I believe because I was seeking Him, I found people who were so full of passion, grace, mercy and a willingness to walk this path with me that I found my way in and through the path less traveled of forgiveness. I learned from these amazing individuals that forgiveness is a choice, not a feeling. Offering forgiveness doesn't mean that you no longer hurt or have negative feelings about the offense or offender. Offering forgiveness is simply freeing yourself of the burden of the ordeal and allowing yourself to move through the process of healing. Without forgiveness I don't believe you are truly capable of healing, no matter how much time has past.
Forgiveness, I believe, in our society is seen as something we offer to benefit the offender and so we choose very regularly to not offer this gift up. After all, it is socially acceptable to deny the one who hurt us no matter how deeply or insignificant the pain is. But this my friends, is where we miss the mark. In doing this we torture ourselves. Forcing our heart, mind and soul to continue to relive the moment of pain. We freely add baggage with heavy chains to our souls.
It's like picking at a scab every time it forms. It never allows the cut to heal properly. It can get infected, never heal, get staph or many other bad things. However, if you acknowledge the hurt and pain, allow the bleeding to stop, clean it with soap and water, bandage it and wait it'll get a little bit better everyday.
Forgiveness isn't a solution to problems either. It's not something we can earn. It is not for sell. It is not a one-step process. It is not weakness. It is not a one-way ticket. Forgiveness is not a get out of jail free card. Forgiveness is not ignoring or denying that you are broken. Forgiveness isn't a misjudgement or misunderstanding.
Forgiveness is Free. It offers Freedom. It is Powerful. It is life altering. It is amazing and wonderful and terrifying all at the same time. Forgiveness is Difficult. Forgiveness often requires many attempts. Forgiveness is good. Forgiveness is allowing God to be in control.
There are so many times I've forgiven those that have hurt me and yet, I regularly am reminded to continue to forgive. For me, it's difficult to remember when those memories creep up and the emotions take over that I have already forgiven for that. So I must get on my knees and forgive again. Asking God to be in control, help me to let it go, heal my heart and soul back to wholeness and show me how this pain will benefit others around me.
God uses all things for good. Even those bad, nasty, ugly things we don't like to talk about or deal with. Forgiveness has to be the first step on the road to healing so that you can change lives through your misfortune. It's symbolic of the cross and how Christ died for us, because of us. He was wonderful and perfect as a human, just as we see all new babies. And some people with evil in their hearts came along and messed it all up. Then He was forced to walk a road so painful He couldn't even do it alone. He relied on God to get through the rough patch and the healing began even before the hurt was over. Forgiveness was requested and offered and then given. And our Saviour rose so that we all may receive this remarkable gift and then follow in His footsteps.
We all (at least that is the hope) know that God sent His son Jesus to die for us so that our sins will be forgiven. Generally speaking, amongst those who have faith in Christ, we accept this truth and live with it as a safety net. We don't always use it, feel like we need it, want it or understand the details of it. BUT! It is always there.
However, when we fall, and realize how important that safety net is, we learn to appreciate the net, taking in not only it's usefulness, but it's beauty and intricate detail as well. We are assured it works beyond our wildest imagination and then we are comforted and empowered to try again, maybe taking an even bigger risk.
I've had a few rough patches in my life, and a few not so rough patches, that left me hurt and broken. In many cases I was even unaware of the brokenness or hurt until I was confronted with a trigger that made me relive that particular event (not literally, I'm speaking about emotions and memories). It seems since I've known Christ as an adult and spent time intently seeking Him I discover wounds from my past all the time. When this first began happening I was confused as to my role in this journey. What was I to do about these feelings? How was I to heal? To move on? To rebuild? I thought following Christ meant that I was not defined by those events.
Well, I believe because I was seeking Him, I found people who were so full of passion, grace, mercy and a willingness to walk this path with me that I found my way in and through the path less traveled of forgiveness. I learned from these amazing individuals that forgiveness is a choice, not a feeling. Offering forgiveness doesn't mean that you no longer hurt or have negative feelings about the offense or offender. Offering forgiveness is simply freeing yourself of the burden of the ordeal and allowing yourself to move through the process of healing. Without forgiveness I don't believe you are truly capable of healing, no matter how much time has past.
Forgiveness, I believe, in our society is seen as something we offer to benefit the offender and so we choose very regularly to not offer this gift up. After all, it is socially acceptable to deny the one who hurt us no matter how deeply or insignificant the pain is. But this my friends, is where we miss the mark. In doing this we torture ourselves. Forcing our heart, mind and soul to continue to relive the moment of pain. We freely add baggage with heavy chains to our souls.
It's like picking at a scab every time it forms. It never allows the cut to heal properly. It can get infected, never heal, get staph or many other bad things. However, if you acknowledge the hurt and pain, allow the bleeding to stop, clean it with soap and water, bandage it and wait it'll get a little bit better everyday.
Forgiveness isn't a solution to problems either. It's not something we can earn. It is not for sell. It is not a one-step process. It is not weakness. It is not a one-way ticket. Forgiveness is not a get out of jail free card. Forgiveness is not ignoring or denying that you are broken. Forgiveness isn't a misjudgement or misunderstanding.
Forgiveness is Free. It offers Freedom. It is Powerful. It is life altering. It is amazing and wonderful and terrifying all at the same time. Forgiveness is Difficult. Forgiveness often requires many attempts. Forgiveness is good. Forgiveness is allowing God to be in control.
There are so many times I've forgiven those that have hurt me and yet, I regularly am reminded to continue to forgive. For me, it's difficult to remember when those memories creep up and the emotions take over that I have already forgiven for that. So I must get on my knees and forgive again. Asking God to be in control, help me to let it go, heal my heart and soul back to wholeness and show me how this pain will benefit others around me.
God uses all things for good. Even those bad, nasty, ugly things we don't like to talk about or deal with. Forgiveness has to be the first step on the road to healing so that you can change lives through your misfortune. It's symbolic of the cross and how Christ died for us, because of us. He was wonderful and perfect as a human, just as we see all new babies. And some people with evil in their hearts came along and messed it all up. Then He was forced to walk a road so painful He couldn't even do it alone. He relied on God to get through the rough patch and the healing began even before the hurt was over. Forgiveness was requested and offered and then given. And our Saviour rose so that we all may receive this remarkable gift and then follow in His footsteps.
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
40 Days
40 Days is a really long time!
But then again, 40 Days isn't really that long at all...
We are abundantly blessed that our ministry is blooming right now. We are seeing some of the first fruits and beginning growth of our last 2 years of dedication on this journey. I think it is fit timing that we are experiencing this awesomeness during the 40 days of Lent. This is a time we spend focused on Him and what He has given us. There is a huge opportunity as our mission explodes for us to step into the flesh and try harder to make this all work, but this time of year we try SO hard to do the opposite. We desire to let Him step into our flesh and do His work with and through us.
So needless to say, even though me the person, now on day two without chocolate (that's my sacrifice to honor His sacrifice) and a to-do list of about 372,914 things I should be overwhelmed. But I find myself peaceful. My house is mostly tidy, (Big shout out to the FLY lady!) My chores are mostly kept up with. I'm on track with my health and fitness goals. I'm staying upbeat with my children, fulfilling my roles of Mommy, Teacher & Friend. I'm building new bridges, strengthening old ones and enjoying the ride! My stress is low most of the time and I'm spending lots of time reading!
I want to say life is spectacular right now. But then when I think about it and all the requirements and opportunities at my door I begin to panic. NO way on Earth can I do this!!! (That is a fact.) Sometimes the panic is paralyzing.
Let's hope I can remember, for the next 40 days (and beyond) that He is in charge. That seems like a really long time to learn this lesson, but then again, if I think about it I can spend each day worrying that 40 days is not nearly long enough for me to actually learn and change. Then where will I be?
But then again, 40 Days isn't really that long at all...
We are abundantly blessed that our ministry is blooming right now. We are seeing some of the first fruits and beginning growth of our last 2 years of dedication on this journey. I think it is fit timing that we are experiencing this awesomeness during the 40 days of Lent. This is a time we spend focused on Him and what He has given us. There is a huge opportunity as our mission explodes for us to step into the flesh and try harder to make this all work, but this time of year we try SO hard to do the opposite. We desire to let Him step into our flesh and do His work with and through us.
So needless to say, even though me the person, now on day two without chocolate (that's my sacrifice to honor His sacrifice) and a to-do list of about 372,914 things I should be overwhelmed. But I find myself peaceful. My house is mostly tidy, (Big shout out to the FLY lady!) My chores are mostly kept up with. I'm on track with my health and fitness goals. I'm staying upbeat with my children, fulfilling my roles of Mommy, Teacher & Friend. I'm building new bridges, strengthening old ones and enjoying the ride! My stress is low most of the time and I'm spending lots of time reading!
I want to say life is spectacular right now. But then when I think about it and all the requirements and opportunities at my door I begin to panic. NO way on Earth can I do this!!! (That is a fact.) Sometimes the panic is paralyzing.
Let's hope I can remember, for the next 40 days (and beyond) that He is in charge. That seems like a really long time to learn this lesson, but then again, if I think about it I can spend each day worrying that 40 days is not nearly long enough for me to actually learn and change. Then where will I be?
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Answered Prayers
Hello Readers!
Today I've come to tell you that our one of our prayers has been answered! We have been asking the Lord for workers for His harvest and partners in this mission field and after three years of daily prayer as a family our prayer has been answered.
The Lord has brought a wonderful family back into our lives that we knew years ago. Over the years He has given us both things to over come and rejoice and He has prepared us to unite and share the Greatness of our Saviour to the mission field we pledged ourselves to about 2 years ago.
We are SO pleased with this blessing and look so forward to growing together, challenging one another to Love and be more like Christ. To hold us accountable to our calling and partner with us as we grow the Kingdom in Richardson, Texas.
This is offering a revival to our house and on the cusp of Lent! I believe God will be moving in BIG ways over the coming days, weeks and months.
Today I've come to tell you that our one of our prayers has been answered! We have been asking the Lord for workers for His harvest and partners in this mission field and after three years of daily prayer as a family our prayer has been answered.
The Lord has brought a wonderful family back into our lives that we knew years ago. Over the years He has given us both things to over come and rejoice and He has prepared us to unite and share the Greatness of our Saviour to the mission field we pledged ourselves to about 2 years ago.
We are SO pleased with this blessing and look so forward to growing together, challenging one another to Love and be more like Christ. To hold us accountable to our calling and partner with us as we grow the Kingdom in Richardson, Texas.
This is offering a revival to our house and on the cusp of Lent! I believe God will be moving in BIG ways over the coming days, weeks and months.
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
"churches?"
I think I need a new word for a group of Christians that gather. Lately, the use of the word "church" has been getting to me.
So many times, it feels like we use the word in ways that divide instead of unite "The Church," the Body of Christ.
For example, we have different types of churches - organic church, emergent church, Catholic Church, protestant church, etc.
Or we describe church as a specific place or group of people - "my church," the church on the corner of..., etc.
Isn't Church supposed to be uniting? We are one Body, with Christ as the head. We are His Church.
What are some other ways to describe the people of Christ in their unique environments? I'd like to try using them and be more selective in my use of "Church."
I know it's semantics, but I wonder if it will help me speak my heart more clearly to those around me.
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