So I've thought (as long as I've known enough to think about it) that I'm not a very prideful individual and that I'm fairly humble. Well, that is compared to a lot of other individuals that I've interacted with over the years. Then I have those few saints in my life who have achieved such amazing levels of selflessness and humility that I put them in a different category from myself because, well, it seems that their spiritual gift from God is being able to overcome all pride and selfishness and humility. They have attained a certain level of understanding and accomplishment to set an example for the rest of us. However, what I tend to do with that example is ooo and ahhh over it and occasionally remember at the right moment in time but never does it workout that it completely transforms me.
Which for me is difficult to say right now as I prefer to learn lessons from others' experiences when I can. Why should I suffer the same fate or go through the same drama/trama to grow? Well, this is one of many exceptions because I apparently thought I had already arrived. But I had a conversation this week with someone and I was spending the entire time of the conversation in turmoil. It was a moment I could both speak truth and love into this person's life and I failed. I spent the entire conversation holding ME back instead of following the Spirit.
I am aware we have a forgiving and mericiful and graceful God, but sometimes I'm so frustrated by my own thickness. My Grandmas always told me I was thick. I just never understood why that was a bad thing until now. So I'm sure I'll have another opportunity soon to follow the Spirit and I hope (as I'm now committing to pray for true humility) that I will be less selfish and prideful and more properly prepared to speak truth and love.
- ▼ 2011 (51)