Conflicted Heart

So my night started out nice and relaxing, with a mostly clean house, lots of time reading with the children and early bed for all of them. Then the work began. I had to run to the grocery store to buy more cake mix & other things for our party tomorrow night. Then I baked the cake. I got an itch to make my new friend a birthday present so I started on that. Got to a point in both projects that I had nothing to do for an hour, so I watched random girlie TV before getting back to work.

I almost finished a really awesome Wonder Woman cake (photos to come later just in case my friend happens to read this blog before tomorrow night). And I'm almost done with her present. My night turned into a practice run for staying up past midnight for the New Year. I was successful but really started feeling it by 12:30am. So I left everything as is and headed for bed. Now an hour later I'm lying awake with my head swimming... I loose so much sleep when my head swims.

A week from today I will be preparing my house for my mother & step-father to be here. They will sleep in our bed, and be responsible for our children for the better part of 6 days all by themselves. Jason and I will be going on a cruise. Sounds like a really awesome deal but I'll be incapable of getting on a plane or hoping in a car and being home within a few hours in case of an emergency. Different from our usual trips. Add that to flashbacks of Titantic and well... Let the swimming begin!

So I was lying in bed praying before sleep overcame me, and I was in a particularly thankful mood for my husband. And that lead to being thankful for our children and that led me to panic about leaving them for the cruise next week. I'm not exactly anti-cruise, but it's not one of my 'I have to do that before I die' things. Jason has expressed great desire to do a cruise and he likes it when we take little trips together so I thought it'd be perfect. Of course I thought that when the cruise was 4 months away... now? Not so much.

Is this the normal jitters? Probably. I can't remember how exactly I managed to leave my babies for nearly 6 days to go to New York or London or Austin. But I did. Each time panicking a little. Each time preparing some sort of token for the children to remember us by. A new toy with a special note, a fresh journal entry, a photo album, whatever I could think of to sort of freeze that moment in time for them. Just in case we didn't come back I wanted them to know that we loved them and give them something tangible to hold a memory of us. I know it's silly since they are so young, but Alexander has always appreciated these gifts and held them dear each time, almost confirming he understood his responsibility while we were gone was to take care of his siblings.

And now I'm reliving these fears again, and new ones with this particular boat scenerio. Those supper sad and creepy thoughts that I won't be coming back are haunting me. Maybe I won't get the privelage of raising our babies. I'll abandon them despite all my efforts to do exactly the opposite. I won't be there to watch the people they will become. Of course they'd be different people without use raising them. They'd have very different obstacles than we will give them to overcome. I'm sure God will speak to them, I pray they find comfort in Him and love Him with all their being. One of our greatest desires for them. But not being there to take the others to Kindergarten, to tuck them in each night, to pick them up when they fall down. To comfort them after their first heartbreak, to cheer them on in their sporting efforts, to help them build a clubhouse. To teach them how to drive, to watch them walk across the stage at graduation, to move them into their college dorm room, to walk them down the isle, to hold our grandbabies... all things that I dream of will become impossible.

As I sit here in tears thinking about all that I MIGHT miss I realize something. These are all my selfish desires. These things are the fondant that makes the cake of life look so pretty and put together. And I so desperately want these things, I love pretty cake, I think it actually makes it taste just a little bit better. But if we don't make choices to add eggs to the flour and put the cake batter in the oven there won't be a cake for the fondant to cover. So I have to continue to trust God. Trust Him that my mother & step father will do a wonderful job caring for our children, that they will all have fun while we are gone, that we will be safe on our trip, carried by the hand of God and returned safely, rested, refreshed and reconnected, ready to continue raising these beautiful babies He's given us and accomplish the mission of loving those around us.


Wow, not sure if it's writing it out loud or all the tears letting the water out but my head has stopped swimming for now. And oddly enough the cruise and sleep are starting to sound like a good idea again.

I'm a Real Blogger Now

So got this SUPER rad gift from Jason. My new dSLR camera. That means that from this point forward I'll have some hot photos to go with my rock star lyrics! I hope you are as excited about this as I am;-)

Unfortunately you'll have to wait a few days for me to post something. It'll take me that long to figure out how to download them, edit them, upload them and hopefully have something real to write with them.

Thanks so much readers! Happy Christmas Eve!!

Sudden Desire for Minimalism

So throughout this entire process of changing our lives, creating a life more centered around Christ and His desire for our lives we've found ourselves doing everything possible to simplify in so many ways. The biggest is that we've downsized our home. We had our dream home and it turns out, that dreams when envisioned don't give you all the details and it was actually more of a nightmare. Jason was stuck in his job with no way out, our budget although loser than it ever was in California was still really tight, we couldn't keep the house full enough or clean enough and we felt major guilt every time some one made the comment about how well we must be doing to have such a plush home.

I have always found myself liking things simple. The less detail there is about things the more you are capable of noticing, enjoying, loving, learning and enduring the main focus (sometimes good, sometimes bad). This may have to do a lot with my upbringing and not having a lot of things. You know children identify their life based on the things they have, they are very tangible beings in some ways. However, I find myself now, many blessed years out of my bare childhood with so much stuff that even when we cut our belongings in half you can't hardly notice a difference.

Despite our smaller home and less belongings I still find it difficult to keep the house clean, not everything in our home has a place to go and so we have clutter. I think we had that problem before in our dream home but with so much space it was easier to stick things in this closet or that cupboard without noticing how much crap we really had. I should have noticed that when we moved and it required 1.5 loads of the biggest U-haul truck they have!!!!

And please don't think I'm a pack rat because I really do give things away all the time. We've had 1 donation truck come to our new house to pick up things, 1 yard sale that made us a nice wad of cash, and now 3 full van load trips to the salvation army. We've gotten rid of so much and here I sit still with toys strewn everywhere, piles of stuff on my kitchen counter tops, our art center spilling over and our desks piled inches high with stuff (both important & unimportant) and our closets full to capacity. I secretly dream of figuring out how to create future projects of utilizing the closet spaces more efficiently and of remodeling the kitchen to add more useful storage. But I think it's time to be realistic.

Today I have the desire to go through and get rid of it all!! I have several large empty boxes that we just received full of wonderful surprises that we have yet to open and will need to find a home for in just a few days and ALL of our cabinets and closets are full. There is no where for anything else to go. I have plans and want to get on with updating this house so it can feel like our new dream home as we continue to live intentionally. I think I will not allow this project to overshadow Christmas and the season and our opportunities to spend intentional time with others over the next two weeks, but I would like to start the new year fresh & ready.

My e-mails will be something that I purge also as I've signed up for a few too many junk notifications but one came across my screen this morning that I find very helpful for this current desire.

You might want to be a Minimalist if...

1. you spend too much time cleaning?

2. you are trying to get out of debt?

3. there is too much stress in your life?

4. you would like more time in your day?

5. you are environmentally conscious?

6. you are frugal?

7. you enjoy financially supporting other causes?

8. there are things you value more than material possessions?

9. you are not afraid of change?

10. your life is too valuable to live like everyone else?

Well, I'm pleased to report that we aren't in debt other than our house and we are planning to pay that off before the scheduled 15 year note. But I'm disappointed to say I'm not nearly as frugal as I should be. I've allowed my whims and desires to take over me this Christmas. I've again gone overboard and bought too much, planned too much, crafted too much, even baked too much. All to enjoy the season. I dream right now about what a minimalist Christmas would look like and how if I had stuck to the plan of getting each child 3-4 small things (allowing their grandparents to spoil them) they'd still have more than most children could ever dream of. I worry a little this Christmas that even though they understand we are celebrating our King's entry into the world that they only associate that with lavish gifts that unintentionally overshadow Christ.

After I say that I think about how much I really wanted to go to Disney for Christmas next year. I think, or hope rather, a minimalist would say that's ok, but then no presents. Can I do that? I will have to take that challenge seriously and not sneakily purchase gifts while grocery shopping or justify it with they have to have something under the tree. They will have something under the tree, there are many people that love my children with gifts. Will it allow them to focus on the meaning of Christmas building a great memory in the process? Maybe as a family we will have people we can focus some of that energy and resources on to satisfy our desire to give and love this time of year. The options do seem endless.

Ultimately, in living a minimalist life I think we will begin to remove the unneeded things (something we are already trying to do with our activities and interactions). As a result, we should hope to find space to intentionally promote the things we most value and remove anything that distracts us from it. I guess it's time to start filling those big empty boxes now=D And who knows, maybe this will even convince Jason to clean off his desk (/laugh!).

There is a Time for Everything

So yesterday I had a bit more turmoil in myself going on than I ever prefer to experience. I responded negatively to negativity and that always turns out to be a recipe for disaster. This time was no different.

Like one would expect showing kindness can get more difficult when kindness is not received. The response should continue to be kindness and I admit I failed horribly at continuing to offer my kindness. I acted out in the flesh and in the end, feel no better off. For now our troubles have passed but I'm sure we'll revisit them again in due time.

Oddly enough as I was preparing for bed last night I was thinking, is this ok to have such an issue? Is it normal or healthy to have turmoil like this? How am I, a child of Christ supposed to behave, (action, reaction or non-action)? Well wouldn't you know, even in our most frustrated times God has something to say, if only we make sure we take the time to listen.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens:

a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

Now that I know there is a time for all of it, I must realize that there is also a time for the opposite. I get the feeling we should try and ensure it's equal time for both actions as it's very easy to accomplish the negative/destructive ones quickly but the positive/repairing ones require more work, energy and commitment.

Let's just hope that I can rely on God fully enough for the seemingly impossible to happen here=D

The Harvest is Plenty...

So everyday at 10:02 AM my cell phone chimes with a very generic alarm that reminds me it's 10:02 AM. My family decided a little over a year ago to join many others around the world in praying Luke 10:2 every morning at 10:02.

For a reference Luke 10:2 says:
"And He was saying to them, "The harvest is plentiful, but the laborers are few; therefore beseech the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers into His harvest."

Well, since I'm not very much into long, elaborate prayers and most days I am with my children at 10:02, I invented a simple child's prayer that we could all pray together. It took them a few days to memorize it & I continue to quiz them on it to ensure they understand what they are praying and why. But without fail, we join together and pray this every day.

Our Prayer:
The harvest is plenty, the workers are few, Jesus please help us, be just like you.

So that said, I will admit that on many occasions throughout the process I repeat the prayer with the children in a very non-challont manor. In recent months when I've felt overwhelmed I've even had a different conversation with God in letting him know that I don't really want to work the harvest right now. But today as I was out walking in the harvest field we have recently relocated to, with my beautiful little girl enjoying the season of Christmas and the gorgeous fall weather I realized that I'm not fully aware of all my harvest fields.

In my brain I know that every place is a harvest field, but in my heart I'm not connected to all of those harvest fields so they aren't actually mine to harvest in right? I mean, we work when we have the opportunities but if we do not have the connections then the opportunities don't seem to be there.

So now I pose the question, what about the harvest field you were born or adopted or married into? Is our family our harvest field to work in?? I know each of us Christ followers have a family member that either doesn't know Jesus, denies Jesus as Saviour or has strayed from His following at some point in our life. As a family member, it would seem we are primed to be the best worker for that particular harvest field. But why then do we continue to have so many believers with non-believing family members??

Is there a separation that is natural from the ones following Christ? Does Satan have such a hold on our beloved ones that he just tightens that grip ever so forcefully when Christ has won us over?

In the bible it talks about large numbers of people being converted to Christianity in terms regarding friends and family. So why is there a separation amongst friends and family today? Why did my uncles and father not all accept Christ when my Grandmother did? Why did they choose to not raise their children in Christ? Why do these said family members still not follow when their children find Him? ...and their Grandchildren?

Where does the disconnect of loving, following and serving Jesus come between sharing Him with the ones we love most? Even parents are not giving the greatest gift to their children! What is the deal?!

I'm sure we can find a way to blame it on our American culture, our rich country, our believed rights to freedom and selfishness, but the peace of Christ is supposed to transcend ALL understanding and if it does then we have no excuse... something this good MUST be shared. With anyone and everyone around us.

So then I find myself, the smallest fish in the largest ocean, trying to rescue all these other fish. Most of which are completely unaware that they need rescuing in the first place. So not knowing exactly the right place to start, I chase after the 'coolest' fish I can find. When that doesn't work out I move on to the 'hottest' fish in the ocean. Then to the 'athletic' ones. The 'smart' ones. The 'beautiful' ones. You get the idea right? The ones worth saving... ... ... ...

So where does that leave us?

Well, it leaves me in a heap on the ocean floor, engulfed by seaweed, incapable of seeing the light from the surface any longer. Still surrounded by the ones that I am obligated to be around and no closer to sharing my secret with any one.

Different

Well, once again it has been confirmed that I am different. I see the world differently, I look at people differently and often times I feel that I am mostly alone in my views. I think if I were to be defined most wold say I'm 'old fashioned'.

So big shocker here, I'm not a feminist. At least not what feminism is today. I know this might break my mom's heart but I'm not. I do not believe that men and women are the same. This seems to be upsetting to many individuals out there because they assume my saying they are not the same means that they are not "equal" which leads them to assume I mean that men are more important than women. So this is where we trick ourselves. Not Equal in 3rd grade math means that one number is greater and one number is lesser. However, later in school you learn that apples and oranges are not the same so you cannot compare them as equals because their qualities are different, thus making them different fruits and not the same fruit; they are Not Equal.

So the apples vs. oranges is the example I'm pushing for here when I talk about men and women being equal. I believe that men serve a certain role in the family and I believe that women serve an equally valid and important complimentary role in the family. I want to say this is true in society but women have fought so long for equality in society that we've actually lost gender roles in society. Woman's right to vote lead not only to a right to work out of the home, but an expectation to work out of the home while maintaining a perfectly manicured home and beautiful, well behaved, well educated children.

Not that this is impossible for everyone, but it certainly is for me. It stretches me too thin. As a wife and mother, regardless of my other responsibilities, paid or not, I am made to take care of my husband and children first. It is true that we've been blessed so I do not have to work outside of the home to make our ends meet. But it has cost us greatly to do so. We've moved far away from our upbringing and our family support to a much more affordable part of the country. We also make other financial decisions that help with this. For example, I cook, almost every meal our family eats. Eating out costs ALOT!

On occasion when I am feeling insecure about not being able to handle all my responsibilities I wonder how do other women do it? How do they hold a job, maintain a workout routine, have happy healthy children, a wonderful marriage, clean house, fun hobbies & a well fed family?

I guess I just have to believe one of two things. God made them differently so they can do all of those things and still be a rock star or they are sacrificing in unseen areas to maintain an image of perfection, success, completeness and/or superiority. Either way, it's tough to be different, maybe more tough than it is to be unequal.

Gym vs. Church

So one of my top 5 favorite things to do on this planet is go to the gym. I am at the gym almost everyday of the week (barring sick children). I go, spend time on me, with me, see some fun people, have some fun chats, do something great for myself and leave an hour later with muscles bulging, feeling fantastic from my sweat induced adrenaline rush.

Except for the sweat induced adrenaline part (depending on your denomination of course), it sort of sounds a lot like church doesn't it? This of course leads to the question:

What is the purpose of church?

Do we go every week to spend some time on me? To make sure I'm doing well? To see those fun individuals we only see at church? To find out if Tommy is potty training yet or if Sue is passing 7th grade? Are we trying to ensure our spiritual muscles get a great workout and then head off for the rest of the week, hoping to not atrophy too much? Why O why do we do this to ourselves?!

Do you know what happens when you only go to the gym once a week? Well, there's probably a lot of technical explanations of what occurs when you put your body through one rigorous workout a week and do nothing in between but the bottom line is nothing happens. Nothing. Sure if feels like something is happening. You go, lift some weights, run on the treadmill, maybe even do a step class but all you've done is started the engine. The car doesn't actually go anywhere if you don't shift to first gear and give her some gas. What you have accomplished here is a starting point. A beginning.

You leave the gym with this great workout under your belt and you are feeling great. You head out to eat because you're starving after such a great workout (also the same with church!) and you stop by your favorite restaurant. You probably consume as many calories as you burned but that's OK... you'll go back soon.

You wake up the next morning, really feeling it, your muscles are tender and sore, your joints are probably a little stiff. You plug along through your day and your body loosens up a little and you start to feel really good about what you've done for yourself, after all you can feel the difference. Waking up the next morning however, isn't as pleasant. Everyone knows that day 2 is the WORST! You can't move. You're so tight and so sore that you can't lift your arms to brush your teeth & instead of sitting down gracefully you fall into chairs. You definitely take the elevator that day and limit any and all physical activity hoping that the pain will soon subside.

Day 3 is easier but not as easy as it should have been. The best thing for a sore, stiff body is movement. So a little activity would have helped you feel like new on day 3... but here's to day 4. Now you're feeling just a little twinge here and there. Man, your workout was so awesome that it lasted you 4 days. That's incredible!!!

Day 5 and 6 pass without any thought of what happened on days 1-4 or what will happen on day 7. Then arrives day 7 and your realize, hey, I haven't been to the gym in a few days, I better get on it. Lather. Rinse. Repeat. You get the idea.

Well, drawing the direct parallel is a little silly I guess since I'm not proposing we all go to a Sunday morning style worship service every day. But instead let's draw a parallel to a different way of thinking about church and see if we get somewhere. After all, who wants to go to the gym year after year and see nothing change?? Isn't the point of the gym to get stronger, faster, slimmer, healthier, sexier??

(By the way, the answer is ABSOLUTELY!!!!)

So how would we be able to parallel church to a successful gym routine? Well, we begin by acknowledging that everybody should do some exercise everyday, which means going to the gym everyday or living a life that offers opportunities to workout constantly. That might look like someone who lifts weights on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays. Takes the children for bike rides on those same days. Maybe runs on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays and does Yoga and flag football on Sundays just for fun. Wow! That sounds like a lot, but that individual is going to change their body. They are going to be getting leaner and stronger, faster and sexier as they continue to build on their workout routine.

The point is the more chances you have to move the more you get better at moving, the more you enjoy it and the more productive the movement is. Eventually that beginning, is so simple it's your warm up, and you move into such complexity for the rest of your workout that you don't have time to worry or gossip or slack off. You're wrapped up in the product of the moment, enjoying the experience of pushing your limits and seeing your limits expanded.

So putting this into practical terms for 'churchyness' might mean on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays you pray with your family or close friends for your neighbors and co-workers. You might also spend time cleaning up trash in your neighborhood or visiting a sick or lonely neighbor on those same days. Mondays might be a gathering for dinner and football with some 'unchurchy' friends. Wednesdays are a perfect day to invest in local children with some tutoring, mentoring, baking or playing. Fridays can be your day of rest, practicing a sabbath and enjoying those God has surrounded you with. Add a worship service and coffee with a friend to talk about your week and you've got a wonderfully organic 'churchy' week. It might not look like much, but it is life transforming!

So what's the point of this, you might be thinking to yourselves right now.

Well, we all know what time of year it is. It's the holidays. So hopefully this post didn't just make you feel guilty about all the junk you're about to put into your body over the next 8 weeks. Hopefully it helps you see that it's a great beginning. See right now, it's extra great to be at the gym. The people that are there on a regular basis are so enthusiastic about working out to make room for the goodies we'll all eat and to not gain weight this holiday season. But in 8 weeks the gym will be taken over by people hungry for a beginning.

New Year's Resolutions are front and center in January (the worst month of the year to be a gym rat in my opinion) but people are motivated! They come to the gym looking for something. They aren't sure what they are looking for but they know that it has something to do with feeling better about themselves, enjoying what they are doing and seeing a change for the better. Often times, they were looking in the wrong place, or didn't make the connection they needed to realize they were in the right place and as Valentine's Day rolls around they begin to give up or feel discouraged or just plain lose interest. Well, sometimes those new members continue to pay their dues and that keeps the gym functioning nicely but it's not actually the purpose of the gym. The gym has failed them. The gym has lost it's chance. Now it has to wait until next year, when the people are ready to begin again, and hope that it has better luck. Isn't there a better way???

Do you see the parallel here? We set up our churches to be attractional, to offer great things to the consumers in hopes of meeting their unknown needs. They come in knowing they need something but not really sure about what. We treat them as customers, hoping to gain their offerings and all the while are over looking the fact that we indeed know what they need. We spend so much time trying to figure out how to best offer our greatest discovery to them that we miss our opportunity. They might still come occasionally, helping the church look successful, but they didn't find what they were looking for so we've lost our opportunity. We have to wait until ... ... ... when??? Churches don't burst at the seems in January. There aren't many New Year's Resolutions that involve going to church (at least that I've heard of). So we sit, and we wait... or do we?

We can get active. Choose the missional lifestyle and go to where people are. Meet them where they are and spend time with them. Love them. Be with them. Experience life with them. Remember Jesus told us that wherever we go, He too will be there with us. Doing church this way may even allow people that didn't recognize they were looking for something to find it... to find Him.

So which is it, Gym or Church?

Church on Tuesday??

So some of you have had the wonderful privilege of listening to me throughout the last 2 years go on randomly about all kinds of things. Well one of those things in particular actually became an obsession. I had the brilliant idea of having church on Tuesday evening, everyone I've ever said it to looked at me like I was crazy but I thought it was ideal. I held onto that idea for a while and eventually stopped talking about it because no one seemed receptive to it.

Well, here we are, 4 months into this missionary thing and we are WAY TOO BUSY! But our Tuesday nights are the one night a week we make sure we are home, doing nothing, together. And so after a conversation with a pretty awesome individual today, he pointed out we needed a more organized 'church' gathering of our church (the five us currently) and I was super excited to realize we have the perfect day for that... TUESDAY NIGHT!!!!

So once again my weird obsessions are spirit lead and I am rewarded with the satisfaction of participating in something that I am not clever enough to have thought of in the first place. God really is very funny.

What are we doing for our first official church service this evening? Going to pray over our friends' new church plant worship space, in the rain=D

Not About Me

So I'm starting to notice that this blog is turning into a blog all about me... and that's SO not what it's supposed to be. But again I have another update, and we are hoping that once this week is over Jason will have time from work to rest, recoup and share about what's going on with him. You may think that's weird as we are partners in this ministry but it is very clear, based on where we spend our 'free' time, that our ministries are separate.

On the school front, just so you know, I'm mostly over it. The school is a great one, his teacher is fine, the Library is going well, everyone I interact with is nice (including the principal, cafeteria & office workers) but I'm still feeling the tug to home school so I'm trying to be sure it's a God thing & not a selfish thing. It does feel amazing to not be panicking while he is at school. I know he is safe & well cared for so I take comfort in that.

On to the most exciting thing to be happening since school has started. And I know what most of you are thinking so don't judge me yet=P I've gotten involved with the PTA & my job is to appreciate the teachers. This is an AWESOME JOB!!!! I get to do crafty things once a month or so & give them to the teachers and staff as thank yous for their awesome work. I think even if we end up homeschooling I will definitely want to continue this job (and if not at this school I will find another school that needs help with it=D). It's fun thinking of ways to make teachers feel special because they really are.

I've got my year planned out already, but if you've got great ideas I'd love to hear them. I could maybe fit a few in or start on my plan for next year.

Hope you are following Him today.

Getting into the School!

Hello Readers!

So a very exciting day today. I went to the school, with Daniel & Grace, and we sat in the cafeteria and ate lunch with Alexander. He LOVED it. There were a few other parents that came as lunch went on. It's neat how they have the classes filter in one at a time 5 minutes apart to keep the lunch line flowing. I was disappointed that the majority of the children walked through the lunch line with pizza, doritos, canned peachs, and milk on their tray. Not nearly as nutritious as the lunch menu sent home at the beginning of the year appeared to be. I need to find that menu and find out what the other options to eat were, because I remember seeing lots of green salad, green veggies, fish & lean meats even on the schedule.

Anyway, it went well and my job this year is to learn how to love the teachers that spend their day loving the students. They all seem so nice, patient, loving and good with the children, (and 5 weeks into school I think that's good!). So that is the value of the PTA that I've been looking for. I'm e-mailing the PTA ladies today to find out how I can help with teacher appreciation=)

Also, I was notified that they found a place I can volunteer!!! I get to be in the library. Doing all kinds of helpful things for the librarian. I'm excited, but not really sure I'll be good at the things she'll need me to help with. I already told her I'd need instruction in the beginning, I hope she's patient with me, it's been a LONG time since I've been in school=P

So all in all, we are doing well and getting underway. I'm pleased that God is changing my heart. I love it when he does that.

...

Well, I posted the last post a few hours before I was allowed to pick up Alexander from school. When we went and got him we waited in carpool (which is a horribly painful process as 100 SUVs & vans wait in a line that holds about 5 spots with 50 little ninja cars weaving in and out of our big fatties as we wait for the children to come outside & identify their vehicle and get escorted to the vehicle. and then we all have to figure out how to get out of there!). Anyway, Xander had been desperate to see how cars have pools at the front of the school since he's never seen a pool there. So I told him we'd pick him up at carpool. The four of us in the vehicle were anxious to never participate in carpool again as Xander excitedly said, "we HAVE to do that nine more times!"

So all this to say his teacher walked him to the car she stopped to have the first conversation we've had in person since she started teaching Alexander. She was notifying me that he is being involved in a pilot program by special invitation/recommendation of herself. The program is enrichment clusters. I don't know how to explain the program other than they get to pick a club that they will skip class for and participate in 6 times over a 10 week period coming later this semester. This seems like a very cool thing, 5 kindergartens were chosen to participate with the rest of the 1st-6th grade students to see if Kindergarteners can handle it... so him being selected says that the teacher recognizes he is, well, the way he is=)

This is a nice opportunity (Jason seems positive it's an answer to prayer & I should believe he belongs in school there, but we are talking about 6 hours over a period of 350 school hours so well see, again, only time will tell) .The gifted program is hopefully starting next week. That will hopefully bring us more news... he's also still sad about missing too many questions to go to 1st grade, so now he's talking about just going on to 2nd. I guess we have lots of options=p

A Torn Heart

It is a difficult position to be in to have a heart so torn. Is it possible to follow both desires to the fullest or is there too much competition between the two? Are they actually different or is the brain getting in the way of the heart? Let me explain a little.

Our journey started so long ago that I actually find it difficult to pinpoint a start or beginning. But we've been desperately following Jesus and looking for Him so we can continue following Him since we began down this less traveled road. Along the road we've encountered so many people that have helped us find Him again (or realize that we've lost sight of Him and we weren't even looking for Him). It's been very much a rocky road to be on. Never knowing for sure if we are really heading in the right direction.

At some crossroads we would see the choice to follow our desires or to follow Christ's desires. How I wish we could say we chose Christ more often, but I must report that it is much more often our own. Early in our journey we didn't necessarily see our desires as different. As we continued our travel and began adding children we met some extraordinary people that showed us so much light we are still learning from them. These divine encounters are really an awesome thing!

Sometimes these encounters bring up very scary negative feelings and as you explore those feelings, you might discover there to be a war raging in the darkness inside of you. As light shines in the darkness it hurts and the more light you let in the more healing occurs and the more you grow closer & deeper in Christ. The more you allow this process to occur the more your heart becomes pure, full of Christ and His desires. It is a very freeing and fun, albeit tough, position to be in because you become totally aware of your worldly desires and are convicted.

Like the desire to want a big fancy SUV, when a very reasonable, reliable, ugly van will do. It's SO hard to not want things of this world or to take for granted those things. But as you continue to seek Him you realize that those things don't matter. So you empower your friends or family to help make the tough decision so you are not swayed and swept up into your worldly desires. (well, at least, that's what I do). But I've digressed...

Other times, those divine encounters plant a seed that will not begin to sprout until years later or offer confirmation or tie together all those loose ends, helping to make a clear path. And occasionally something revealed to you in one of those instances cannot be removed from your mind. No matter how hard you try to move the opposite direction. It is at that point that it becomes confusing to me and we enter my current dilemma.

When we started this portion of our journey to be missionaries in Richardson, we assumed a large portion of our role would be at the elementary school our children should attend from Kindergarten through Sixth grade. We were (and to some extent are still) totally unsure of what it means to be a missionary in Richardson and what our role entails. We are certain of loving children and people that cross our paths. We have a few points of focus where we already have relationships with others and have regular contact.

First there is work, I work by both watching a beautiful baby girl & at Daniel's preschool. I have a job of loving those children. I cherish them by filling in the gaps; empowering them to discover, create, love and be. I have this general passion for children, so we figured that would carry over to the children at Alexander's school. And it is to an extent. But my vision is clouded, my passion is muted. (we'll come back to that in a minute)

Second there is the gym. This is my me time. I've been going to the same gym for 4 years now and I LOVE every minute of being there. I have been happy to spend time there everyday over the last 4 years and speak to no one. But recognizing my calling of being a missionary I've begun talking to people & taking a true interest in others that spend time there. I'm learning a lot from them and am getting support for my fitness and weight loss goals. I am inspired regularly by the people there and hope to one day be in a position to inspire others.

Third there are my friends. This is one of those things that is very much a Love/Hate relationship. Some of my best friends (those that I grew up with) are far away and so I've been forced to make new friends. They are wonderful people, but the more friends you have the more time you want to spend with them, doing things with them, enjoying their company, experimenting with new things or experiencing and learning about their passions. Either way for an introvert like me, it is very exhausting. I have lots of people I miss, want to talk to, have coffee with, give hugs to and just love, I have joy in doing all of those things, I just wish it gave me more energy like extroverts seem to experience after human interaction=)

So back to the muted passion for children. I am feeling very torn, because my brain says school is where I should be passionate because my son attends that school and there must be need of time, energy and love there for the children. But as I've tried to find a fit I've met resistance and am very confused about why. Not just resistance from the school (which is happening) but resistance on my part about where I should be putting in the time at the school . At the same time I continue to remember a morning I spent almost 2 years ago with a mother of 4 that was homeschooling her children and her reasons and love of the experience.

I've also found that my heart is saying, this isn't where my son belongs. He doesn't fit there and I don't believe it's what is best for him. So I struggle with trying to be involved and at the same time hating the school for holding my son hostage. I don't like the school system, I don't like that he's not challenged and encouraged to excel beyond his current abilities, I fear he'll lose his love of learning, I fear he won't continues to be happy with the small rewards the teacher offers for good behavior, I fear he'll learn to settle for mediocrity, I fear he'll not be given ample opportunities to explore his passions and find his calling, I fear his curiosity will subside and his creativity will diminish. All of these things have caught me off guard.

My concerns before school started were how is the teacher going to keep him from being distracting in school, what is he going to do while the other children learn the ABCs, are the other children going to be nice, will he have lots of parent teacher conferences. Those kinds of things, but I realize that those things don't matter. At least not to me. But that is apparently all that matter within the school system. As long as he conforms and isn't causing problems, it is considered a success, for both the student, teacher & school.

So I'm torn. Is my brain right, send him to public school like all the other children, continue trying to volunteer and just hope for the best? (After all our God is bigger than school!) Or is my heart right, keep him home & school him ourselves, taking help from the local homeschool network and allow for him to greatly excel, discover passions that wouldn't normally be offered to him and capitalize on the opportunities set before me to serve children with my children (both at this elementary school and others)? I think back to the "foot that did defeat" the 12 inches between the heart and the brain, I wish I could remember the complete meaning of that message in hopes it might offer some clarity.

What's a mommy to do?? What's a follower of Christ to do??

School is in session

Well, School has started and it actually appears to be getting MORE difficult for our family as we try to adjust to school life. Rising before 7am isn't going well, the boys being apart for 7 hours isn't going well, me missing him so much & just desiring to home school him until he's 35!, well, you can say that's not going well either=p

The school is very strict on some of their policies (partly for safety and partly because it's the beginning of the school year) and so I haven't actually been allowed in the school yet. But I am in the process of getting cleared so I can volunteer there on a weekly basis. I'm not sure exactly what I will be doing but I'm really hoping to start building relationships with the teacher, counselor and office staff to start with. It's difficult even to say more than hello & thank you currently and I so desire more. I'll continue to persevere and worst case Daniel, Grace & I will become lunch room regulars and we'll get to know the lunch room people=P

Here's hoping this transition will start to get easier soon.

P.S. On the positive side we have met a few more neighbors, some even have school age children. I hope that as the weather continues to get nicer we'll be allowed more opportunities to meet our neighbors... and eventually be the ones creating those said opportunities!

August Already? Where did July Go?

Hello to all our loyal readers! I know that all three of you have been so hungry for an update of our ministry progress;-D

Well, the month of July was spent with our family. And though we have some great memories of the trip, there's not a lot of progress for Christ to report; though there are two family members that seem to be heading towards Him, so Praise God!

As for our neighborhood, we've been gone so long that we had to reconnect with all the neighbors we already met, and essentially meet them again. We've approached one couple that are Christ followers also, to pray with us once or twice a month for our neighborhood, but they stopped by tonight to let us know that they are committed to praying for their neighbors but they are extra committed to church activities 3 days a week so we won't be physically getting together to pray but we will all be praying.

Other than that kind of relationship building we are having an ABSOLUTE BLAST with our friends that live a mile away. We are seeing each other several times a week and Jason & I are so enjoying having a friendship like the ones we had when we were children (Shout out to the Bowling Buddies!!). We are even all getting in shape together! It's really great=D

Now on to a more teary subject, school. The schools will be a huge ministry area for us as Xander (/sniffle) gets ready for Kindergarten. We sign him up on the 10th & he starts on the 23rd... we are kind of hoping to meet the teacher before school starts but I'm not sure how that works. Anyway, I've taken on a role at my friends non-profit organization, Retread. (If you don't know about Retread, please visit this website: theretreadproject.org If you're interested in helping out Retread in anyway, then get back to me ASAP! The school year is beginning & it is a busy time for us.)

So Retread is about transforming a child's life & one of the ways it does that is by providing shoes to children who cannot afford them. I am going to be a representative in our area & hope to really build up relationships with the schools that Retread already serve and Xander's school. Plus there are things I'd love to do that I'm not sure I can yet, but I want to make sure every child gets to celebrate their birthday at school, whether that's bringing cupcakes or fruit snacks or a gift for the birthday child I don't know but it'd be awesome. Of course we want to volunteer in the classroom and we are happy to supply school supplies as much as we can. I imagine we'll get involved with the PTA, I just have to remember I'm doing this in Christ... which means I have to keep my "momma bear" syndrome in check, Lord Help Me!!!

Anyway, that's about it for now... maybe a new update before this month is out?! /shock 8-)

P.S.

Just discovered my car was broken into last night, shattered a window & took the entire radio kit=( bummer!

Hope this isn't the 'welcome to the neighborhood' party=p Either way, no more parking in the alley.

Dinner w/ Neighbors

Well, progress! Not only have we met half a dozen houses on our block & in our alley, but we've managed to get it together enough to have a couple over! I'm proud of us=D

They are a wonderful older couple that has children our age & 12 years older than us. But they gave us some very valuable information about the street. They are one of 4 houses that go to church. They are hopeful for our missions to the neighborhood.

So this is all great news & great progress. We are meeting people and there is great need for missionaries in the neighborhood. Woo! Now we just have to continue to meet with others.

Off to watch a wonderful baby doll & today we are creating a craft for Daddy's Day=D

Until Next Time...

So Much Happening, So Little Time Keeping You Updated!

Hey all you loyal readers! So sorry we haven't had an update for (gulp!) over a month! We are doing very well and have so much to update you on.

1) We have purchased the home in Richardson, moved in & are mostly unpacked. We still have a storage unit to empty this month but right now we are taking one thing at a time. We like our little house but have some things we will work on to improve the home to be a bit more functional for us. Painting will begin at some point this summer, just not sure if it's before our trip to California in July or not. Jason & I are having fun planning out this adventure of a 'fixer upper' and it is offering a multitude of opportunities to come into contact with new people & build the single existing relationship we have in the area (more on that later!)

2) We are seeing that there aren't alot of unmanageable sacrifices by living in an older, smaller home. There are weird things that are gross & old that we've never dealt with before, like vacuuming out the return vent (EW!) and wiring the office for internet (starting this weekend). So far the only true negative is ROACHES!!!! And I just gotta tell you honestly (and I think Jason is with me on this) ... if God had said the word ROACH somewhere along the way, this would NOT have even been an option. Thankfully, Jason is contacting our great friends at Orkin to come and handle this for us today... but still, totally GROSS=P

3) Our Murphy Home is closing today!!! We were patient and waited and it all came together. The couple is perfect for the home and we are so excited about the 2 bundles of joy they will be welcoming into the world & their new home in less than 8 weeks! We know the joy of bringing babies home and are blessed to have brought 2 of our own home to that house. We know there are many years of love in that house ahead and are positive they will enjoy it.

4) There is a family in our neighborhood that we knew before we moved in and they were gracious enough to host us in their home while we were transitioning between the two homes... and my goodness, 5 Potnicks is a LOT to host for a week!... We begun building great relationships with them and are so grateful to have those kind of awesome friends just a few minutes away! I've been given the privelage of caring for their darling baby girl Madison, twice a week and she is so precious. The boys love her and Grace does also... though Grace was minorly hesitant to her in the beginning;-) Jason is also going to begin playing softball with Madison's daddy in a few weeks (something he is very excited about returning to). Anyway, we are doing great at building this relationship.

5) Our physical neighbors. Jason has done a great job at running outside to meet & greet people as he sees them out. Me however, not so much. I've spent a full week trying to get our house in order so we can function and that is going, well... ok i guess? It's actually very slow as I continue to grow my 'third place' relationships at the gym & work and taking care of wonderful Madison... plus my 3 blessings=D I guess it's good I'm introverted or nothing would be getting done=p

Anyway, this is it for now and the baby girls are both up from their naps so I gotta run.

Until next time...

Coincidence? I think not...

Been meaning to write this story down for a while, so figured I would today while I had a few moments. It actually relates back to how we got an offer on our house and all the cool stuff that happened that weekend in April.

So we found out on a Thursday in mid-April that sadly, the house we wanted in Richardson had received an offer, and the owner was going to accept it. Luckily, we had not allowed ourselves to fully "fall in love" with the house, so we dealt with the news. That same night, our agent mentioned to us she had heard from a couple that wanted to look at our house on Saturday.

That Friday, Leesa was driving home and saw some neighbors selling a very nice set of black leather movie room recliners (4 of them!). She decided to call me and joke about them. I told her it wouldn't kill anyone to check the price... so she went back and found out the chairs were in great shape (slightly used), and the neighbors were selling the whole set for $100!! These types of chairs usually sell for $400-1000 a piece! So I told her she had to buy them.

About this time, our agent called and said the couple wanting to see our house just had to see it THAT NIGHT. So, we worked out with the neighbors to get the recliners delivered, the house cleaned up, and the old couch in our movie room out of the house and into storage before the couple arrived to look at the house. It was a crazy afternoon (leaving work early, grabbing a friend's truck, moving furniture, cleaning, etc.), and we're very thankful my dad and step-mom were in town to help.

Now, crazy part of the story #1: The neighbors that sold us the recliners recognized our names (we had not met them before), because they had just signed their son up on our T-Ball team the night before! They recognized our last name from the team roster. Richardson's league is far enough away, that very few people from Murphy sign up to play down there when there are other leagues near by. Not only had they joined the league, they landed on our team the night before we met them selling recliners. My mind still boggles.

Saturday morning came along and we had a great first T-Ball game. The kids (and parents) had a lot of fun. We returned from the game to find out an offer was imminent on the house! We got the offer that night, accepted it and found ourselves under contract. The couple (who is pregnant with twins), loved the house, especially the movie room.

To finish off this story with crazy part #2: by Sunday night we found out the offer on the Richardson house had fallen through and we were now in the running again. We went and saw the house the following Saturday, put an offer in and had it accepted within three hours! I've since met the owner (she is the original owner, 36 years!) to find her to be a pleasant Christian lady.

We move around the 20th of May (3 weeks!). Anyone know any good movers? :-)

Leesa and I are convinced even more that God has a mission for us in Richardson, and that in His timing He is paving the way for us.

Prayer needs: Right now we're praying that God would bless the new owners of our home even more than He blessed us the last four years. We are also continuing to pray for opportunities to meet people and minister to them in Richardson. Finally, our prayer is for opened eyes to see those opportunities.

Until next time...

Moving Forward!

We've wondered how often to update something like this, especially since we haven't actually moved into the new neighborhood yet. So we haven't updated in over a month (it's really been that long??).

Well, some pretty exciting news today. Our house is under contract! It closes May 20th. We hope to move to Richardson May 15th. We'll get an apartment for a few months as we find, buy and do any fixing up to a new house.

We're very excited for the family moving into our home. They are exactly what we imagined. They are pregnant with twins (their first children), love the technology/movie room/etc. and just seem like the kind of people that God can truly bless in this house. He has answered our prayers.

In other news, Saturday was our first T-Ball game with our oldest. We joined a team in the neighborhood we'd like to move to, and we're the Rockies! Wow, 4 and 5 year olds are fun. Each kid will either sit down and play in the dirt or run after the ball when it's hit (even if he is playing 3rd and the ball is hit to the 1st baseman!). All the kids got hits and a few even made some outs when in the field. We had a great time, and I'm really enjoying helping out and assistant coaching.

Until next time...

American Dream?

So I had the opportunity yesterday to head down to our neighborhood and check it out a little more with just Grace and me. I figured we'd grab a sandwich at Subway and hang out for a while, trying to meet someone(s) and get a better feel for the neighborhood. Well, we drove around for about 45 min. and the bad news is, there is no Subway. The good news is, I discovered all kinds of things.

I discovered an Ethiopian restaurant and a bar/night club as well as other ethnic restaurants. I discovered there are all kinds of churches on the perimeter of the neighborhood. I discovered grocery stores, starbucks, target, fast food chains galore, a few restaurants and a few stores, including something that could be a brothel and a good old fashioned mom&pop hardware store (yes, in the same strip mall). After all this driving around and discovering I stopped at Chick-fil-A and thought about some things.

First I thought about how there are specific ethnic restaurants and realized I know nothing about those cultures. I can't even tell you what type of food could be found in an Ethiopian restaurant! I realized that I must spend more time discovering the area and learning about these ethnic cultures. I'm not that adventurous with food, but I will try almost anything once. I think I'll need some brave souls (or hopefully friendly neighbors) to introduce me to these new things. It'll be a fun learning experience I believe but I won't lie, I'm nervous that I either will be totally disgusted by the food, or not be able to enjoy the cultures and be the light of Christ to my new friends.

Second, I thought about all those big churches sitting on the busy corners of the perimeter of the neighborhood, being driven by every single day, at least twice for most. I kind of got the feeling that The Church was maybe a little scared to actually penetrate the boarders. Granted, it was Tuesday around lunch time, so it's possible that the lack of activity or number of vehicles in the parking lot was slim due to empty stomachs but somehow I don't think that's the case. Now I'll admit I haven't done ANY research on these churches to find out their ministries within the community, this was just the vibe I got based on location alone. I know that prime real estate is busy intersections for churches, because the more people that drive by, the more likely people will come in. I'm just curious, is that true?? Does it work? Is the Kingdom growing with churches parked on the corners??

Do any of you ever wonder what it was like a century ago, when your church was your neighborhood? I do. I wonder what it was like for the women to gather and work together for the community. Some women sewing blankets and clothes for lots of families, some women baking bread, others still gathering all the children and teaching them. Sharing meals on a daily basis together, no walls/baggage or technology or sense of individualism to prevent the growth of relationships. Wow, what that must've been like, to not get the looks I do for making my children and husband a priority (notice I left out friends, sorry about that, really. Ya'll are a priority, I just run out of time and energy sometimes). And maybe I'm totally wrong about what it was like a century ago, I'm not big on history, but I know life was like this at some point in time, right?

The Third thing I thought about as I sipped my lemonade was how this neighborhood isn't much different than the neighborhood I currently live in. I saw the same fast food chains, the same grocery stores, the same restaurants and mostly the same stores. There was road construction just the same, updating of parks and fresh looking schools. The differences I did notice were quite minor.

There was a rent to own store and a few check cashing stores plus lots of nail shops. I'm not sure why the nail shops are always in the more poor parts of town but they are, and that's where all the rich people drive to get their nails done too (because it's usually the best nail job you can find). The houses are a bit smaller, the lawns were unkempt and some of the neighbors didn't mind having junk sitting around their yards or the old junkie car that barely runs parked in front of the house. Surprisingly enough, I found comfort in these differences. It could be because this is more the type of neighborhood I grew up in. Or it could be that it feels people are more real about who they are, where they came from and how they got there. Where we live today, we pay several hundred dollars a year to make sure all of our neighbors mow their grass, trim their hedges, drive only nice looking cars and never have any junk sitting anywhere outside their house (there are also lots of other mildly annoying rules that comes with this service). But it just creates an environment that puts a sign in our yard and, it says, "Hi, Don't talk to me, I don't have any sh*t and I don't want to know about or deal with your sh*t."

So this all leads me to wonder what is the American Dream? What is it that people are striving for? Are they really sacrificing their children, spouse, friends and morals to move into this neighborhood, driving the black SUV or blue van, to pretend they love their life?? Gaining more debt then they will ever be able to repay, either hoping their children don't make life choices that will ruin them forever or relying on the church or others to teach them 'right'. What dream is that fulfilling?

Now please don't get me wrong. I have a big house and would love to drive a van (not blue!) and lounge around all day eating bonbons, trust me I've spent plenty of time chasing this dream, but isn't there more purpose to life? Haven't we been created to create, love, do, be and live in Christ, with Christ, for Christ to Christ? And if we have then what are we doing?! Why, even as I write this post, do I have a desire to click over and do some shopping on Amazon for this and that? (Well, that might actually be because I've given up screens for lent and have a limited amount of time for work/ministry stuff, but you get my point right?). Why is it NEVER enough?

To me it seems the American Dream we've been after our whole lives is Gluttony. And we are succeeding! At the cost of our children, our marriages, our friends, our enemies, our health, our sanity and most importantly, our identity in Christ. But then again, maybe it's just me...

What's In A Name?

You may be asking yourself (if you're out there reading), why the name "Region Seven" for our blog?

As Leesa has mentioned already, we have been called into the mission field. What images does that conjure up in your mind? Perhaps some third world country? Africa?

While the need is great throughout the world for people to share God's love, there is a new missional movement recognizing that North America is itself a mission field. Missions is no longer about sending Christians from developed countries into underdeveloped areas that have not heard the Good News of Jesus Christ.

Did you know that South Korea is the 2nd largest missionary sending country in the world? Did you know they send missionaries to the United States? Missionaries from around the world are coming to the U.S. to help in the spread of the Gospel.

The name Region Seven is based in our denomination's structure. The Church of the Nazarene is spread around the globe, and broken up into seven regions (Africa, Asia-Pacific, Caribbean, Eurasia, Mexico & Central America, South America, and North America). "Region Seven" signifies that the North America region is the seventh, newest missions region. The region where "The Naz" was founded is being recognized as a growing mission field (the US is one of the largest fields in the world, and the largest in the Western Hemisphere).

Region Seven reminds us that our call is missional in nature. We want to treat our call the same as if we were being sent to Africa. Will you join in sending us? We need your prayers, encouragement, etc.

Trip to the Local Park

Well, after several weeks of not being able to go outside the children were dying to get out while the sun was shinning so warm yesterday. And since I was the only one not feeling well, I thought it'd be good to get out and play. We took a trip down to the local park in the neighborhood we are feeling tugged toward and met some people, played a little while and had a good time. The diversity of those at the park is reflective of the neighborhood and I look forward to learning more about the area. One day soon, after I'm feeling 100% and the weather is again great, we'll head down for a longer visit. There is also a Chick-Fil-A near by, and that will certainly be a hot spot for us!

Not the Beginning, but Definitely a Tangible Starting Point

So the house is on the market. Has been for 2 weeks now and though we've only had 2 viewings we are at peace that God is in this decision and we will wait patiently for the buyer we've been praying for to come along. Of course this is still very easy for us to say because we are so early in the process.

What process you ask yourself? Let me take a moment to explain.

My husband and I, along with our children, are embarking upon an interesting, Spirit lead journey where we are selling our beautiful, enormous house and moving into an older, more established, very diverse neighborhood to be Christ. Essentially we are becoming missionaries. We are moving into unfamiliar territory and culture to share the love of Jesus by serving our neighbors and building relationships.

There are lots of exciting (and possibly scary) options or predicaments that may arise from this journey but with your help and prayer support I believe we will make it through each and every one of them.

It is our intention to blog regularly to keep you informed so you may best know how to pray for us or be supportive in other ways but for now, the journey is slow.

First Prayer Challenge:
Join us in praying Luke 10:2 each morning at 10:02. Set your alarm to remind you to take just a few seconds and pray for those that find themselves in the shadows as well as those that are to be light where there is none.

"The harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field." Luke 10:2