Friday, May 20, 2011

departure or destination?

If you've read more than 2 of my blogs you're starting to pick up my theme of cliches. I'm not going for that but every time I turn around that's what I'm addressing. I think that's what's happening as I reroute my life through Prayer. I'm seeing and understanding these cliches and the truth or untruth that lies beneath.

For example.

I was driving to the gym the other morning, it was dark as it always is and I found myself intrigued as there was lots of traffic as I pulled out of my alley, even more traffic as I got down the street to the light. I thought, "Hmm... that's weird for 5:10am on Tuesday morning." Turns out there was an event at the high school that a group of students were preparing for and so there was an abnormally large amount of traffic and activity. But as I got further away from home, I noticed the opposite to be true. There were fewer and fewer vehicles on the road until I found myself on a 6 lane road with no other cars in sight. At first I thought, "wow, this is cool." Then I thought, "hmmm... this is weird." Then I started to have a mini panic attack in the back of my head, my heart started pounding and wondering does everyone else know something I don't?

Of course it only lasted about a about a mile before I finally saw a car here and there on the road, but the cars that I did see where traveling in the opposite direction. The weather was abnormally clear and crisp so I knew there shouldn't have been any reason to worry that I was going the wrong way. I was getting close to the gym when I drove down a strip of street with no street lights (I always get that creepy feeling of 'what if I run out of gas at this exact moment?' Luckily that's never happened!)

Well, with the last turn at hand it's like driving into the sun. The gym is a huge building, lit up like a Christmas Tree. There are parking lights every 5 spaces and it's bright as day. I think to myself for a second, "how could I have doubted I was headed in the wrong direction?"

That's when I heard the other little voice in my head say, "Because you do everyday"

Wow! I sat there for a minute both blown away and confused. I decided quickly I didn't want to be later than my usually lateness (I barely make the beginning of warm-up for most early morning classes, regardless of what time I get up) so I headed in to the gym. I worked out hard. All the while hearing that little voice, "Because you do everyday."

It's a silencing comment. One that makes all voices in your head stop for a second and then begin screaming in reaction, attacking the statement, questioning motives and denying any truth behind such a statement.

Finally, back in my car on the way home resting in the calm quiet that ensues after an awesome workout I had a chance to turn my voices off and listen for THE voice to explain.

I heard this.

"The road less traveled"

I recognized the phrase but couldn't put my finger on it so of course Googled it when I got home. I got two references:

The first was a poem by Robert Frost, The Road Not Taken.

The second was a bible verse, “Enter by the narrow gate; for wide is the gate and broad is the way that leads to destruction, and there are many who go in by it. Because narrow is the gate and difficult is the way which leads to life, and there are few who find it. ~Matthew 7:13-14

So on this morning I got to experience an awesome visual of my journey with Christ. I got to see how I was in a dark alley, completely blind with only one way out. When I finally worked up the courage to take the plunge I find myself in a position to see something. I see a little road ahead, full of other cars buzzing around. And when I get to the end of that stretch I see more cars and I am so excited and gain so much confidence. I got this! I'm on the right road, see all these other people. Then as I drive further to my destination, turn after turn, I grow weary, lonely, concerned, afraid, terrified. I question if I'm going the right direction, if I should be going at all?!
Maybe there is a better way.

And just when I doubt myself and God the most, I see the light, I made it! I have arrived. But once there I find a fair amount of work to do. After an awesome amount of energizing sweat it's time to move on. I haven't arrived, I've only made a necessary pit stop. So I get back on the road beginning again. The same amount of nervousness, excitement and confidence that I started and ended with from my first leg of the journey, realizing now that my destination is my departure.

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