Christmas or Easter?

By the title you're probably expecting me to go into some interesting (or maybe boring) discussion about which is better or more important or something like that between the two holidays. But all I really want to say is that I've successfully turned Easter into what I believe the grand majority of Americans turn Christmas into. I've made Lent less a time of listening, praying, humility with no focus on the basics and more a crazy busy, exhausting, overbooked holiday that makes it difficult to enjoy. Easter is a bigger deal than Christmas to me in so many ways, I hope with only a few hours left of Lent that I can fully prepare myself to bask in the Easter Season. Here's to buckling down and making the most of it=D

Old Friends and New, Jesus' Disciples and Seeds

I've always had the same best friends for as long as I can remember having best friends. I mean I got along with kids in elementary school and we all played pretty well together (minus the boy here & there that teased me about wearing a bra). But for the most part in elementary school everyone is friends. It's Jr. High that starts to divide you into groups or clicks and is the point in time where you begin to make friends for life. At least that's where it started for me. I have one friend I met after Jr. High that is my best friend still but in her defense, there was an ocean lying between us=D

Anyway, I've been wondering since I've become a 'grown up' and moved far away from home to have a family and be allowed to support that family with just one income if I'll ever find friends like that again. Saying this has been a tough road with great sacrifice on our part is an understatement. Leaving our family and our friends, the people you can rely on to be there no matter what the circumstances (not to mention the free babysitting!) are so far away. It's been difficult without that support here and as much as I'd like those people to move here, I know they won't and that it is up to me to make new friends and create a similar support structure that our family and friends offer. This has been one of the most difficult parts of living far away.

If I look around me I am surrounded by some really cool/awesome individuals, some of which are much too cool to be my friend. But none the less, I try to make a connection and see if a friendship will grow. Now I'm looking for the non-judgmental, honest, tell it like it is even if it really sucks to hear it or say it kind of friendship. One where our interests are similar and we don't have to work very hard to make our paths cross, time spent together is refreshing and happens frequently.

I've felt like I've come close to something like this a few times since moving here and I've always gotten to the point where I think, "she's not ______ or ______ but she's as close as I'm gonna find." Then something happens to change things and I find myself struggling to maintain a friendship. I'm an introvert, no secret there, but to put it plain and simple, people exhaust me. They make me feel like I'm crazy and I just want to get away. Adding any other obstacle to that major hurdle I deal with daily and I find myself not pursuing the relationship any longer and I'm right back where I started.

I then go through phases of mourning, regret, guilt, and eventually I come to terms with it and move on, hoping I'll come across the person that is as perfect as my childhood best friends. I'm getting more sure that I'll never come across people exactly the same, for some reason growing up and going through puberty together and making it all the way through the nightmare that is being a teenager creates a bond that is stronger than any adult relationship you could form.

With that said I'm drawn to a moment of prayer, of silence, of listening. I know this moment represents the time Jesus spent in hell, I'm reminded of Him, the immeasurable amount of pain, loneliness and sacrifice our Maker made yesterday and the miracle of life He will be offering tomorrow. I wait with anticipation, excited with tears in my eyes.

I was reminded on Friday that we often mistake Easter as a time of God & Me when it is not about me (another one of my constant themes!) but about all humankind. I begin to think of all the other humans out there. Ones that I know suffer on a daily basis all across the world, too far away for me to see or hear, all the way to ones that are right down the road or right across the street. Ones that I have great relationships with and ones that I struggle to maintain some kind of awkward relationship with. Jesus sacrificed it all for them and offers it ALL to them also.

That brings my attention to Jesus' friends. I think about how they might have been feeling on this day. About their sadness, their hopelessness, their emptiness and I thought it is so good to know the Joy and Hope and Fullness that Easter will bring tomorrow. But thinking about the disciples made me think about my mission. The journey that Jason and I and the children are on together as we strive to love our Maker and spread His love with everyone we come in contact with.

Jesus didn't stay with His disciples forever. He gave them what He had to offer and once they had accepted all they could while in His presence He moved on and they were sent on their way to continue on with the work He had started. He did this not just in His death but at various points throughout His ministry. They had practice rounds and sometimes the disciples were successful and sometimes not.

Jesus sent His disciples out with the proper tools and seeds of life to plant amongst the lost. But as we know from Mark 4, it doesn't matter how well prepared or equipped the farmer is if the soil is not suitable for crop production. The seeds can be cared for perfectly but if there are too many weeds and not enough good soil, there will be nothing to show for all the hard work, time and effort put into it.

This, like most of my other blogs has turned into a long rambling and I apologize for that. Let me see if I can make the proper connection between Old Friends and New and Jesus' Disciples and the seeds they and we plant.

I have old friends that I love and hold dear to my heart. Our friendship is a mutual friendship and it will remain a constant for the foreseeable future. I have New friends that are not just my friends but also my disciples. Since I've been commissioned as a missionary, which means all people I come into contact with I offer what Jesus offers, in the best way that I can, I am responsible for teaching them. I study Jesus' Disciples and I try to learn from them, both their successes and failures and hope my offerings of what I have and know of my Saviour is enough to not only plant the seeds of life but to prepare my New friends, a.k.a. disciples, to plant their own seeds of life in the future.

Old Friends and New, Jesus' Disciples and Seeds. Things that make life so sweet.

Overwhelmed

It's difficult to find your niche & fulfill your mission. Especially when that mission requires doing things so far outside your comfort zone you wonder what in the world He's thinking! Well, couple that with general responsibilities of work, home life, raising children, keeping up with the secondary activities of all said responsibilities and then trying to carve out time for yourself with both hobbies you love (or have always wanted to try) and spending time with God. On top of that add the ridiculous level of expectation we women tend to place on ourselves, CRAZY! When you do get the chance to lift your head and take a breath you really begin to wonder, why in the world did He create the earth like this? He could have easily given us a 30 hour day or a 13 month year. But it's my guess that had He given us more we would do everything in our power to stuff it full as can be and then wonder why He didn't give us more.

Our human nature seems to be insatiable and consumeristic. I realize as I say that, it's probably an American thing and not a human thing, but then again, just because others in the world go without doesn't mean they don't always want more and wouldn't constantly strive for it. It's just that their drive is currently driven by life necessities. Once those are met it's all about the extras! (Again I say this as a very naive American).

So back to the overwhelmed feeling. How do we let ourselves get that way?

I remember way back when Jason & I were deciding we would move to Texas, we agreed we needed a break, a reprieve as we had gotten so caught up in the California way of life we needed to stop for a bit, figure out how to slow down then proceed cautiously. And we were successful, for a few months at least. We continue every few months (occasionally longer) to look at one another and have to sit down and talk things through, figure out where we are, where we should be, where God wants us and what our time and energy and resources should be devoted to.

Well, back when we served a congregation in a building it was easy to get overbooked and overwhelmed with the plethora of opportunities readily available to serve and love others. So you'd figure now that we don't have a congregation like that we'd be free to take more time and have more quality ministry. However, when you step outside the building you find the whole world. If you thought it was easy to stretch yourself too thin inside four walls with a ceiling and a floor, then you might want to take a chair with you when you step outside. Really, every individual you see is an opportunity to share the Love of Christ and as a lover of Christ you have the responsibility of sharing His love with everyone you come across.

Already I'm overwhelmed just thinking about our general idea of our mission. So let's break it down to baby steps. Those are small and manageable right?

Just for fun, think about the last time you saw a baby walk. Theirs steps are awkward, uneven, tedious, difficult, sometimes so tiny and unpredictable 4 steps has them moving backwards or in the opposite direction of their goal. They are constantly falling and you never know when it's coming, sometimes they can keep it together when it looks like they'll never make it to their destination and other times they are doing so well and find themselves catapulted forward and look up at you with tears and blood gushing.

The perfect visual of where I am right now. My head is swimming and my heart is pounding and I'm just treading water. I have lots of ideas of what I believe God offers me as opportunities to serve and love others. I have lots of goals for myself. I have big dreams for my family. All of these things good and yet all of these things cannot be accomplished of the same quality.

So the questions for you this time:
1) How do you decide what is most important?
2) How do you become a people person when you aren't?
3) How do you follow through and keep yourself in check?

8am Sunday Morning...

I was running.

I ran past 6 churches & 2 home improvement stores... there were more vehicles in the home improvement parking lots than in all the church parking lots combined. Granted it was earlier than church services usually start (though Mass was happening at one of the churches) but follow me for a second. Getting up early on Sunday morning to focus on improving oneself clearly isn't out of the question for a large population of Richardson/Garland Area residents.

Granted we can make all kinds of arguments for clearly reasonable excuses of not being at church on Sunday and instead at the home improvement store. But I think I'll just say it out loud. Being inconvenienced isn't as valid a reason people aren't going to church as we church goers would like to think it is. There's got to be more to why they choose not to participate and we'll never know unless we get to know them and find out first hand why.

So what do you do about it?

Well... What are you doing about it??

True Humility

So I've thought (as long as I've known enough to think about it) that I'm not a very prideful individual and that I'm fairly humble. Well, that is compared to a lot of other individuals that I've interacted with over the years. Then I have those few saints in my life who have achieved such amazing levels of selflessness and humility that I put them in a different category from myself because, well, it seems that their spiritual gift from God is being able to overcome all pride and selfishness and humility. They have attained a certain level of understanding and accomplishment to set an example for the rest of us. However, what I tend to do with that example is ooo and ahhh over it and occasionally remember at the right moment in time but never does it workout that it completely transforms me.

Which for me is difficult to say right now as I prefer to learn lessons from others' experiences when I can. Why should I suffer the same fate or go through the same drama/trama to grow? Well, this is one of many exceptions because I apparently thought I had already arrived. But I had a conversation this week with someone and I was spending the entire time of the conversation in turmoil. It was a moment I could both speak truth and love into this person's life and I failed. I spent the entire conversation holding ME back instead of following the Spirit.

/Sigh.

I am aware we have a forgiving and mericiful and graceful God, but sometimes I'm so frustrated by my own thickness. My Grandmas always told me I was thick. I just never understood why that was a bad thing until now. So I'm sure I'll have another opportunity soon to follow the Spirit and I hope (as I'm now committing to pray for true humility) that I will be less selfish and prideful and more properly prepared to speak truth and love.

Our Actions Affect Our Children

I think we all like to blame others for our mistakes. Taking responsibility is a difficult task and one that is not only tough to swallow but also tough to chew. It's difficult to recognize when we are dodging our responsibilities at times but trust me when I say we ALL do it. You just might be less aware because you might not actually ever see how your slacking affects others, this morning is a perfect example.

I was doing my typical volunteer hour in the library where I almost exclusively re-shelve non-fiction books (those are the ones with numbers and letters). Two students came in late to the first class and maybe these students are habitually late, but none the less, they suffered dearly for their tardiness. Both had excuses about parents needing to do something before they brought the child to school (Dr. appointment for one and issues at school for the big brother of another). Both children were very ashamed, and both children got a small lecture from both the teacher and the librarian and then both children lost their privelage of the library use (standard policy from what I understood). Both were shown a desk they may sit at until their prompt classmates were done. I sneakily watched those students sad, alone, criticized, un-loved, ashamed and rejected.

Now before you think I'm judging the teacher or librarian or the parents of these children, do not be mistaken I am not. I am simply noticing that these two paid a dear price for their parent's choices this morning. To me it sounded like the parents had very valid reasons for the late arrival, maybe they could've rearranged the morning a little but regardless the children were late and the consequences for their parent's actions stood firm.

There are lots of reasons to hold true to rules and consequences, having been a coach in my previous life, I remember laying down blanket rules and holding to them no matter what the excuse. This was for all kinds of great reasons, but I never saw what I saw this morning. I never noticed how my rules might have isolated the children and left them feeling so many complicated feelings they may not know exactly which one is the right one. They are indeed loved and appreciated, worth something and wonderful individuals that make up a group of children that are absolutely adored. I know the teacher and librarian feel this way, the same way I felt (and even still do) about my team.

Do you have children? Do you work with children? Are you an Aunt, Uncle, Cousin, Grandparent? I ask you this, what price are you asking your children to pay based on the decisons you made this morning? This afternoon? This year?

Practice

There is an old adage that says "practice makes perfect" and when I was an athlete, this saying was given a more accurate makeover, "PERFECT practice makes perfect" Well, I can probably argue both sides depending on what it is you're doing. It is true that if an athlete has sloppy practices they will definitely not add up to perfect performances. But in other matters of life, where perfection is less stressed, and positive progress is the general goal, I think 'less than' practice will suffice for improvement and better results in the end.

So all this said, I think our family church assignment this week will be practicing perfection. In the way of attitudes, actions, words and every other manner we can think of. We'll practice saying nice things to one another, practice doing nice things for one another, practice kindness toward one another and hopefully as we get better at these basic improvements we'll notice many other faucets to practice perfection.

We learned from our Corinthians reading this evening that The Spirit is of God and The Spirit lives in our hearts and that we have Christ in our minds. So with our hearts and mind full of God and His perfection we have nothing less to strive for.

Thanks be to God!